Why can't it just be Monty?

So apparently the python pic was not an isolated incident.  However, in the cases above it seems as though these lovelies have already consumed their taxidermied animal brethren, leaving only themselves with their clearly not-so-great-at-decision-making handlers.

Please note that these are two different guys who posted photos on two different sites.  That alone should shatter any faith in the online dating system.  However, one does seem to be a little smarter than the other--I'm talking about the one who does not have one of the five largest species of snakes in the world wrapped around his neck twice.  You know, the one not flashing a wedding ring either.

Let's hope natural selection is in play here, and, guess what, you've been selected to take one for the team.

Sigh.  And then there's this guy.

No, they're probably not, because they just aren't (especially when there's a pair of them hanging from the back of a trailer hitch and I have to look at them in traffic--God, I hate those), and neither are the 21 baby ball pythons that you're raising in your house (although I do give you points for username creativity).  Good thing you don't have kids because DFS would surely take them away.  I know this because I'd be the one calling them.

Always buying more?  Aren't you already bordering on an infestation?  I'm so not coming over.  Or within a five-mile radius of your home.  And get that thing off your neck before I start going all Darwin on you, too.

And just when you think it's safe to go back into the life mate search, here comes one more snake dude.  Mad props for not having it wrapped around your carotid artery.  There's hope here.  Except if those are your babies, I'm not really seeing your potential in fathering mine.  I was going for something a little less reptilian and predatory.  And the only snake I want in my house is that belonging to a plumber after I flush that thing.

Fun fact:  a natural predator to pythons is the cougar.  I'm 41.  Just sayin'.