Thankfully, since this is not two-way video, you don't. But, sadly, I do. And I can't un-see you...which is quite probably the greatest barrier to the success of our relationship.
Why, pray tell, are you on the floor? Have you fallen and can't get up? Because if that's the case, then for the love of God, stop taking a damn selfie and scooch closer to the phone to call for some help. Warn them that you're naked. And that apparently your floors are slick otherwise you wouldn't have fallen down in the first place.
But if you haven't fallen and dropped your smartphone just out reach...why are you down there? I shudder to think where you may have attached a Swiffer cloth.
There's absolutely no good reason why I would be laying on my own floor naked, prone and alone unless I had some sort of TIA after getting out of the shower. Even then, however, I wouldn't be like, "I need to get up, I need to call for help, I need to put on a robe...but let me take a selfie first."
And then I certainly wouldn't make it my profile pic (yes, his profile pic) on a dating site because that's like saying, "Hey, dudes, I fall down a lot. You like that? It's hot."
And has anyone been in a bachelor's home lately? Believe me, you don't want to walk barefoot on the floor let alone allow your tender bits touch it. And does this guy have pets? Cats? Because just the thought of dander in my crannies is causing me to break out in hives.
So get up. Stop reaching for E.T. (I imagine he's probably moving those little legs as fast as he can to get away from you). This isn't seductive behavior unless you're a python. And if that's the case, I can certainly get you in touch with some people who might be interested.
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