Ladies, are you tired of being alone? Exhausted by dating? Wouldn't it be nice to just have the man of your dreams delivered right to your door? Well, now you can when you order the Kosovo-o-matic! He's the perfect boyfriend--he wines, he dines, and, yes, he even makes julienne fries when you activate "prepares romantic dinner" mode!
Kosovo-o-matic features seven different affection levels ranging from "kiss at the door" to "couch cuddling" to "bedroom bliss," and can communicate in multiple ways including "casual text" and "last call of the day." (Booster pack required to receive texts and emails with word counts greater than four. Sold separately.) The handy tampon-shaped remote makes it easy to adjust the settings, and the remote's unique disguise means he'll never touch it!
Your Kosovo-o-matic arrives at your home fully charged, and when he's running low just let him binge-watch anything on Netflix and he'll return to full power. No oral sex required!
Don't wait, order now! And if you're one of the first twenty callers we'll include the "friends and family compatibility pack" absolutely FREE! Just call 888-IGIVEUP today. Other frustrated single women are standing by to commiserate and take your call.
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