The melfie

If you have spent even 30 seconds on any dating site you know that probably half of the profile photos are hand-held melfies--a dude taking a selfie in front of a mirror, usually with the phone held about chest height, so it's right there in the middle of the photo.  These most often take place in his bathroom...which is a terrible option for a profile pic for the following reasons:

A)  You either don't have or don't know how to use the little flip-the-camera-toward-you icon on your smartphone's camera.  Clearly you are still using my BlackBerry from several years ago.  Get with the program and upgrade.  Or ask a toddler how to use your phone.  They can help you.

B)  I don't want to see your bathroom.  Not only do I see that you don't adopt and/or know how to use current technology, but I also see that your tub/shower needs new grout and caulk, you have dandruff and psoriasis, and your mirror could stand to be introduced to some Windex.  Also, your shower curtain is hideous.  Go to Target or Bed, Bath & Beyond.  Please.

C)  Finally, I ask, do you not have one friend who can take your photo?  Seriously, you have not been in public with at least one other person who will own up to knowing you and whom you could ask to snap a quick pic?  I mean, I get that your python buddy has no hands, but come on.  That toddler could even take it for you.

He's a great example of a full-body melfie.  *Note hideous shower curtain.

Not only is he flashing a V sign like some guido wannabe baller, does he realize that those little protective cardboard corners are supposed to come off the mirror when you decide to hang it?  I really didn't think that had to be explained.

So from this photo I know that he does, in fact, have a hideous shower curtain, has no friends who would take or have taken a full-body photo for him, and, sadly, is kind of clueless about disposable packaging.  There are so many strikes here that it's almost a no-hitter.

And then we have this guy who successfully avoided the melfie but still raises some questions...such as, "Why are you taking a photo of yourself in a public restroom?"

Yep.  If I'm not mistaken, those are urinals behind him...unless he has metal stalls, a sprinkler system and industrial ventilation in his house.  Surely he could have picked ANY other venue for a photo--a dumpster, a row of port-a-potties, a fish cleaning station.  At least there's no one peeing in the background.  But how do I know he's not peeing right now?  I can't see his other hand.  This is one case where some mirrors would be useful.