Pretty sad

Here's a sampling of my inbox on OKCupid (click image to view larger):

Just once I'd like to get an email that starts out along the lines of "Hey, intelligent and multi-dimensional woman who seems like she would challenge me, how have you impacted the world today?"

Instead I get "Hi pretty."  Like a million times.

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy being called pretty and beautiful by someone other than a family member or an old person at my church.  I just wish it was by someone who could form a complete sentence.  

Right.  I didn't respond because I was out getting help.  Did you know that there is such a thing as The National Grammar Hotline?  I hope they've got extra staff on duty because, man, am I sending them a gigabyte of referrals.

Also notice that he has taken a page from Chris' playbook:  if at first she doesn't reply, message, message again.  Almost. Every. Damn. Day.  (*Hypocritical use of incorrect capitalization and punctuation for emphasis only.)

At least Mike typed more than three words in the subsequent emails.  That extra effort certainly does make a girl stop and consider that she just might be missing out on something really great...which may or may not include four children:

One would assume that he'd know for sure.  Or the other kid sucks.

I also think I'm going to have to update my own profile to include punctuation as one of my six things.

And I may also add a "word of the day" feature in an effort to expand the vocabulary of potential suitors...such as:

syntax  [sin-taks]

noun

A.  the study of the rules for the formation of grammatical sentences in a language.

B.  the study of the patterns of formation of sentences and phrases from words.

objectify  [uh b-jek-tuh-fahy]

verb

to present as an object, especially of sight, touch, or other physical sense; make objective; externalize.

anchorite  [ang-kuh-rahyt]

noun

a person who has retired to a solitary place for a life of religious seclusion.

And maybe some synonyms for "pretty."