Riblets

I was swiping through Tinder and came across a profile that said, "I don't hunt but I like to BBQ."  I don't exactly see the correlation...I guess he assumes that the majority of carnivores are killing what they're grilling...whatever, but it does make me think I should be a little more forthcoming in my own online profile:

I'm not a mermaid but I like to swim.

I don't cluck but I have eggs.

I'm not a cat but I have lots of hair.

I don't work in a chocolate factory but I am short.

I'm don't plunder and pillage but I like rum and parrots.

I'm not a decomposing dinosaur but I do produce gas.

I like rainbows but I am straight.

I don't listen to country music but I've been in a pickup truck.

I'm not a table but I have legs.  (Also see "not a mermaid.")

I'm not a bear but I have shit in the woods.

And lastly:

I don't own a python but I do have online dating profiles.