The nutcracker

It's been a busy fall...but not so busy that didn't like or swipe at all.  I did text with a guy for three weeks at one point.  Yes, three freaking weeks...which is like eternity in online time.  And then I made a joke that he didn't get, and he told me that I'm

and then stopped texting.  Well, if me being too smart for you is a reason to bail, then who's the real winner here?  That's right--this girl.

But never fear.  I received an email that same night from someone new:

Now normally I wouldn't even bother to read the profile or respond to this email or any one of its cohorts such as "Hi" or "Your Pretty," especially given his lack of apostrophe, but the screen name and profile pic did merit some investigation...

So I clicked.

And, because I was feeling snarky, I emailed.  He did say we should feel free to ask any questions.

I seriously was not expecting a response.  

You have to freaking be kidding me.  So, I gave him the details.  This guy must be really desperate to have his balls busted.  (Don't worry--I would never actually go through with this.)

Hold the f*** up.  You're willing to have some unfamiliar crazy woman with questionable housekeeping skills assault you, but you can't get on a ladder?  Good Lord, dude.  Grow a pair so there's something to kick.

And I thought that was the end of it.  I'd had my jollies.  But he emailed again the next day.  Twice. 

My God, he's desperate.  Can't he just run full-frontal into a credenza or something?  

He even emailed the following day.

And this, my friends, just continues to prove that the online dating world is chock full of nuts.  Some apparently wanting very much to be cracked.